When I think of February, I can’t help but think of Valentine’s Day—love is all around, right? It’s everywhere you look: on billboards, social media, in the stores, even in the music. But here’s the thing—love isn’t just about the relationships we have with others. It starts with how we treat ourselves. Self-love isn't about being narcissistic or self-centered; it’s about honoring who we are, flaws and all, and learning to take care of ourselves in ways that nurture our mental, emotional, and physical well-being.
Self-Love is Selfish? Think Again!
Self-love isn’t selfish. It’s often misunderstood, as many people think that loving yourself means neglecting others, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. The reality is, when we practice self-love, we’re better equipped to show up for others. Just like how you can’t pour from an empty cup, you can’t give the love, care, and attention you want to share if you’re neglecting yourself. Taking the time to nurture your own well-being enables you to be more present, compassionate, and supportive for those around you. So, prioritizing yourself is not an act of selfishness—it's an act of self-preservation, allowing you to be your best self for others.
For me, embracing self-love has been a journey—a journey that started with the realization that I wasn’t showing myself the same kindness I showed to others. I was quick to forgive my friends when they made mistakes, but when it came to me, I was harsh, critical, and unforgiving. It took me a long time to realize that if I truly wanted to love and care for others, I had to start by loving myself first. And that’s not something that happens overnight. It’s a choice you make every day.
Shifting the Narrative: From Self-Criticism to Self-Compassion
One of the biggest shifts I’ve had to make in my life is moving away from self-criticism and toward self-compassion. For the longest time, I believed that being hard on myself would push me to do better, to be better. But the more I tried that route, the more exhausted and burned out I became. I had to ask myself: was it really helping me grow, or was it just keeping me stuck in a cycle of shame and guilt?
I started learning that self-compassion means treating myself with the same care and understanding that I would offer to a friend. When I mess up, I try not to beat myself up anymore. Instead, I remind myself that I’m human and mistakes are part of the process. It’s not about letting myself off the hook—it’s about recognizing that mistakes don’t define me. How I respond to them does.
Practicing Self-Love Every Day
Self-love isn’t just a one-time thing, and it’s definitely not something that’s easy to just “figure out.” It’s about the small actions that we take every day. The way we talk to ourselves. The way we set boundaries with others. The way we take time for ourselves, even when life gets busy. It’s about making sure that we’re not running on empty all the time.
For me, self-love has shown up in many ways: getting enough sleep, eating foods that nourish my body, and carving out time to do things that I enjoy—things that are just for me. And sometimes, it’s about saying “no” to things that drain my energy, whether that’s a project at work, a social obligation, or even a negative thought that I let take up space in my mind. It’s not about being perfect; it’s about creating space for me to be who I am, without judgment.
Letting Go of Perfection
I used to think that in order to love myself, I had to have it all together. I had to be successful, fit, and constantly on top of everything. But the truth is, that kind of thinking is exhausting. It wasn’t until I let go of the need for perfection that I started to see myself more clearly. I realized that self-love isn’t about being flawless—it’s about embracing who I am right now, imperfections and all.
For example, in my journey with self-acceptance, I had to stop comparing myself to others. That’s something I still struggle with from time to time. I’d see someone else’s success and think, “Why don’t I have that?” or “They’ve got it all figured out, why can’t I?” But when I started to really focus on my own journey and what makes me unique, I felt so much more at peace with myself. There’s no one else like me, and that’s okay.
Building a Healthy Relationship with Yourself
I’ve also come to realize that self-love is all about building a healthy relationship with yourself. It’s about taking time to get to know who you are, what you need, and what makes you feel at peace. And just like any relationship, it takes time and effort. It’s about being patient with yourself when you mess up, offering yourself grace when things don’t go as planned, and understanding that you are enough—right here, right now.
So, this February, I encourage you to focus on your relationship with yourself. Whether it’s through practicing self-compassion, setting boundaries, or just taking time for yourself, remember that you are worthy of love and care. You don’t have to wait for anyone else to show it to you—you can start showing it to yourself.
Journal Prompts for Reflection:
- Self-Criticism vs. Self-Compassion: Think of a time recently when you were hard on yourself. What was the situation, and how did your inner critic speak to you? How could you have responded with more self-compassion? Write about how you might treat yourself differently in the future.
- Small Acts of Self-Love: What are three small actions you can take every day to show yourself love and care? These can be simple, like taking a walk, getting some fresh air, or practicing gratitude. Reflect on how these actions could improve your relationship with yourself.
- Letting Go of Perfection: Write about an area of your life where you’re holding yourself to impossible standards. What would it look like if you let go of the need to be perfect in this area? How could this change your relationship with yourself
- Building a Healthy Relationship with Yourself: How would you describe your current relationship with yourself? Is it healthy? What changes can you make to build a stronger, more loving relationship with yourself moving forward?
